Birthday, Chemo, and Hair

Full Complete Series <3

Happy Birthday to me... Well, this is the day that I turned 50, the big five-O. Let me start by thanking everyone EVERYWHERE for my birthday post, phone calls & text. You have no idea how awesome it is. Yesterday spent the day after work with Michael. With everything going on he has been a strong pillar for me to turn to for a-lot. He had gotten me Doctor Who DVDs so I can watch the rest of the series. He sooooo totally gets me. We had a very early dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. If you ever go for your birthday, you get the richest chocolate cake EVER. To say the least yesterday was pretty awesome & is being added to my happy memory vault.💝💝💝

The Cake Mom & I Shared <3

Today my Mommy came to see me. As some know, it's about 2.5 hours for us to get to each other's homes. Plus, because of family responsibilities, she usually has to be back in the same day. So yea... it's a big deal and I love her for that. But today was not just my birthday, it was also the day that chemo is scheduled to start. Turns out that because of the severity of my cancer, I did NOT start my chemo today. Looks like after all of the doctors discussed it I will be going back into surgery. I will be getting more removed in order to lower the percentage of my cancer coming back.

After all of that, we came home and had an awesome spaghetti dinner. BTW - my Mom does make the BEST spaghetti known to man kind. We had picked up a large single serving cake for the both of us and had an awesome birthday day visit. In which I opened presents, & attempted to color my hair...

Hours Before My Donation

Looooong Hair <3

SEGUE into the hair... Anyone who does know me, knows I LOVE my hair & how hard I keep it long and in good condition. To say the least, the thought of it going into the garbage was NOT acceptable. Due to the fact that I will be getting chemo and the doctor said there was a 90% chance I was going to loose it... I had decided to donate all of my hair to the local wig bank to help others. So I've posted the before, transition, & finally look for my hair. Well... at least for how ever long I'm blessed to keep it LOL

RIP - my pony tail <3

Right after cut & first coloring

Current Look <3

Turns out the super short hair looks pretty cute & I'm really loving playing with the colors. Also... when you are donating your hair Great Clips will cut your hair for FREE 

<3 They are my go to place 

for now on <3

"C" word... Dungeon strat

Meet with the doctor to go over the plan of action to take down this boss named cancer. According to
the CT scan it seems to have only spawned in a very small area of my breast. So thankfully we are going use the lumpectomy strat.

According to Dr. Green, and his small team of five, he will put me under and proceed to remove the cancer. Then inject a blue dye that will help to see if any of the limp-nodes could have gotten infected. Kind of like what the CT scan did, but more. He will then be removing anywhere from one to four possible nodes in order to test them. Hopefully they will all come back cancer free and the battle on my tatas will be over. However... if they any one of them come back to be infected then they too will be removed.

Providing the dungeon area is cleared & everything is removed, I should then only have to do radiation treatment. This is to keep any from coming back & re-infecting me again.

My doctor is very optimistic & feels that everything should turn out great. I love the fact that he's very confident in knowing that we can go with a lumpectomy & radiation. Talking with people, I had heard so many stories of doctors just wanting to remove everything. To be honest I'm just a bit too vain to loose my breast. So to say the least, I was very happy that he was feeling good about just doing that lumpectomy. Mind you, I would be lying if I didn't say I was scarred to death, but I'm working really hard to keep my faith that in God's hands everything will be fine.

Once again I would like to thank all my friends who have reached out to. Your calls & messages have meant the world to me. Thank you to my family and sons. My youngest came up to see me & for the fist time in about 3 years I had all three of my boys under one roof. Special thanks to my Mom who drove 2.5 hours one way, just to sit with me to get the news on my surgery. Plus she will be here again this Wednesday to be with till I'm up and well again. God couldn't have given me a better Mom then the one I have <3 And of course, my handsome boyfriend Michael. Even with the crazy hours he has at work, he always found the time to support me. He's always there when I need him and he is the rock that I hold onto when I feel I'm about to fall.

Hope everyone has a blessed week and I will be back more updates. 

Birthdays - I am so very blessed

 This week was my birthday, and last week was my Mom's birthday. Like we try to do every year we spent the week between our birthdays together.We pretty much chilled at her home and did some thrift store shopping. Just spending time with her has always been a great joy in my life. I see way too many people not appreciate the ability of time with family. I never want to be one of those people that say "I wish I had, or I wish I said". My mom has always been a huge part of my life and I always want her to know how much I love and appreciate her everyday. <steps of soap box>

Any-who, we had an awesome dinner and of course some cake and ice cream. She loved the shirts and Tervis cup that I had gotten her. She had gotten me a Keurig Coffee maker. It's red, my favorite kitchen color and my son had gotten me a Keurig Cup with filters. I really love it and have already picked up the craft that can go with it.

I was so lucky to have the day off from my birthday. I did such constructive things around the house like binge watch Once Upon A Time. Cried on about every episode. Why is a show about fairy tails have so many sad ends all the time LOL. Played with my new kitten and hung out with the dogs. Yep I was so busy getting very important things done lol. Facebook... lets not forget Facebook ~.^


My awesome boyfriend, who had to work that day, messaged me and let me pick dinner for that night. I've always loved eating outside, when it's nice out of course, so I picked Friday Friends. However we ended up a Judges Restaurant. He just knows how I love to try new places, so he suggested somewhere I haven't eaten. He came over bearing gifts and to pick me up for dinner. Not just some random gift that he felt he needed to by, but thoughtful gifts. He knows how much I love copper for my kitchen and the inscription on my new coffee cup was perfect. Inside my card said "Have the kind of birthday that embarrasses your kids." He was tells me that he was trying to find a tree frog bag to hold my stuff, but couldn't. He remembers that I love tree frogs. After so many years of feeling so unimportant, it is so over whelming to feel like I was the most important person that night. To have someone think so highly of you to make sure your birthday was the best day ever. I don't think he even realized how much his thoughtfulness made this the best birthday that I have ever had. Also, he had them sing to me at the restaurant, I've never had waitresses sign for me before, it was awesome.

My Birthday, My Life, My future

This month I'm turning 49. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to say your age. I've never feared getting older. I think my biggest fear was just getting older without someone by my side. I've never cared for the feeling of not knowing if I was on the right path, or with the right person. Always thinking that if I wasn't married that my life for some reason is incomplete.

In just a little over a year, there has been so many changes happening. I walked away from a life that I thought I wanted and found out that the life I wanted was two states away. The main reason for moving back to NC was to find out who I was, and where I needed to be. As much as I loved the person that I was with, I didn't like the person I was with him. So as much as it hurt to leave I left in order to find a better me. As it turns out we both are better people for it and now we are probably better friends then we ever where. Our experiences have shown each other of who we are and I am thankful that our friendship getting better as time moves on.

Since my move, I've joined a shag dance club, took up wine tasting, and started doing more thing that made me happy. I set goals for my life in gaming, relationships, and family. I've cut down on gaming and started focusing on making friends. I've met someone awesome that I share common interest and corks with. At the same time we respect each others differences too. Plus I'm working on spending more time with family, now that I'm closer to them. I'm learning that being satisfied in myself is what I was lacking in my old life. I had the illusion that it was up to someone else to make me happy. Lets not forget the fact that I've bought myself a new home. I've found that I get great happiness from working on making this house into the home that I've always wanted.


Looking back at my life I know that the path I needed to take to find my boyfriend was a necessary one. All my past experiences have shown me how lucky I am to have him in my life. I thank God everyday for finding someone who thinks bow ties are cool too. He cares for his family, works on cars, and saves turtles from the side of the road. What more can someone want from a love. Plus he knows how much mike to put in my cereal and how to make my coffee <3

As I'm getting older, I still have a wanting to grow old with someone. However it's gone from "OMG - I need to have this now" to "I look forward to when the time is right to be with my forever love". Knowing that no matter what happens in the future everything will happen for the best. That right there folks has got the be the most peaceful feeling that I've ever had.

First Room Redecorating

More and more things keeps getting better.

I finally feel like I'm making real progress on my first room re-decoration. All the walls & ceilings had to be patched & joint compounded with 3 layers. I may have inhaled about 3 pounds of dust from everything. After all that, I primer everything with Killz oil base. Wasn't too sure about how old the paint was, so I'm not taking any chances with it being lead base.

Now most people would just have been happy with painting the walls, ceiling, trim and moved on with life. Well... I did paint the ceiling and trim white. I painted the walls a very pale blue, & then went over the baseboards and door trim with bright white enamel paint. This helps with keeping clean, plus it seems to give it fresher look.

On one wall that had a cut out I painted in a box and added shelves to hold my son's things. Plus there is plenty of room for his dog's kennel at the bottom. On another wall I decided to paint strips. Just because I thought that it would be an added point of interest. It's nothing too fancy, but just a step above boring.

Now that is left is the new windows, that should be coming in next week and finish adding in the pictures, new futon, floor rug and curtains Later down the road all the hardwood floors will have to be refurbished. But, that is a project for a later time.

As my first project is getting closer to being completed, I'm finding out how much I've missed being a home owner. For way too long I've been throwing away my money paying rent. When in the end there is nothing to show for it. No way to get any of your hard earned money back. It finally feels good to invest my time, money, and energy into something that will in the long run pay off. Even if for some reason I never sell, then the work I do here will be mine for as long as keep it.

I've had such a huge out pore of support from my friends, family and loved ones. They really have encouraged me to let me know how well my work was. There where times I would be discouraged, but someone was always there telling me how great I was doing. All of that meant so much and I love how no matter how far I am from my friends and family, they always seem to be right next to me.

Also... this is Leo. My awesome boyfriend saved him from the highway off ramp. I know you are suppose to just take him across the street, but the traffic was too much. Luckily I have a forest behind my house. Lets all wish Leo the best of luck on  his new ventures in the woods. I may never see him again, but I will remember him fondly. Especially that part where he peed on me in the car LMAO

You Teach Me - I'll Teach You...

It's been an interesting past few weeks. Been working on my new home. Today will be finishing up the primmer in my son's room. Hopefully going to start the ceiling and walls tomorrow. I've started the patch work in the guest room. Found out that I have to replace some of the dry wall due to water damage. I'm pretty sure it's from and old leak and from the window. Good thing the windows will be replaced hopefully soon.

My stress levels have also been an all time high. Between politics, starting a new game (Pokemon GO) and trying to keep up a friendship that seems to be one sided. I've been more then my fair share of feeling stressed.

Twice in the past week I've been blocked, which as far as I know is very strange for me. The first was a long time friend of the family. He apparently didn't like facts being presented to dispute his stand on politics. I was a bit shocked, but realized that if someone can handle the truth, then maybe they need to stay away from people who will always be truthful.

My second block was by my ex's girlfriend. Over the past year he and I have been trying very hard to work on getting back to our original friendship. Before the mistake of dating, yes dating a friend will almost always be a mistake, we where best of friends. He and I have done everything to try to make this transition easy for the new people in our lives. I've explained very early to my boyfriend that my friendship with my ex was important. To loose what we had before would be a crying shame. I'm very lucky to have an understanding love. Hasn't been so easy on the other side.

I'm not sure she understands that in no way I'm a threat and would just like to have my old friend back the way it was. She is younger, prettier, probably smarter, and seems to be a way better gamer. She makes him happier then he ever was with me. She has a great family and has given more then I ever could. I just wish that she didn't hate me, just because I happen to be an ex in his life. I would understand if I was a horrible person, but I'm not. If I have offended her, then I apologize, but it would be best to talk rather then just choose to not like someone, or shut the door on them without even giving a person a chance.

As for my new game, Pokemon GO, it's is awesome. I don't recommend it for young ones, unless as parents you are willing to supervise. It's given my son and I a chance to walk and talk and bond as we hang out catching pokemon LOL. As most of you know, lots of stupid people out getting themselves killed over it. It's a game, don't play and drive, don't walk into traffic and please for the love of God keep and eye open for you surroundings. Outside of the warning, it's a great way to meet fellow trainers, get some walking done, and pull yourselves out of the house. I can't wait till the update, when we can start trading, and battling one on one. Looking forward to meeting new people and have more fun with my son.

The round up - Life is way to busy, entertaining and too short to not get along with people. As part of the human race, it's important that we support each other and stand up for one another. No matter who wins the election, who dislikes you, or what you chose to occupy your time. Do it to best that you can be and do it with honor.

House repairs, Decorating and Skunks

What to say... I've completely moved into my new house. I wont lie, it's a big work in progress. If I can give any kind of advice, get the home warranty. On that note my AC has gone out. I've had the guys out and it's about 340.00 to replace the blower motor. Thanks to the home warranty, I'm paying 75.00.

I've gotten the paperwork signed and ready to start putting up my new fencing for the yard. It will be a great place for my son's & my dog to play. Plus when my family comes up, there kids will have a safe place too.After all, it's people that truly make a house a home. I look forward to finally having a place where my friends & family can come and relax.

Also on the to-do list is my windows getting replaces. I finally got a quote that I can work with, and they are starting the paperwork on it this morning. That should be a huge cut in electric, not mention raising the value of the home. So as it stands, all 3 majors projects are getting taken care of. It feels so good to watch your dreams come true and blossom right in front of you.

Now working patching up the walls and getting them ready to be painted. Not sure what the last contractors where thinking, but there are so many visual problems. Cracks in the walls, places where the ceiling was not tacked up right and so places completely missing paint. This week I've started patching up holes and cracks on the walls that do not have windows. No point on the window walls, they will be getting replaced soon enough. Feels good, getting my hands into the work and showing some love to this old house. I can't wait to see how it all works out.

     Mushy Boyfriend Note <3 <3 <3    

A few weeks ago and small family of skunks moved into his yard. Sadly the mommy had gotten hit by a car. However the little ones (3 of them) are old enough to find food in the yard. Ideally having skunks around the house is not optimal. You never know, if you scare or walk up on them. That is not a smell you want to experience. If you know anything about me, it's that I do love animals...even the stinky ones. So I've been loving seeing the little ones (from a distance) walking about and doing there thing.

Last night one of the neighbors came over with a 22 rifle. Wanted to know if he can kill the babies on his property. I knew that he didn't want them there, I know that there's a chance of running into them and scaring them. As I stood there with tears welling in my eyes he told him that he can't kill them on his property. Still worried that they may be killed, my boyfriend agreed to let me feed them in hope that they will not wonder off the property.

As much as he does not want them on his property, he loves me enough to stand for me and help me with my love of animals. He has truly shown me how much he cares and respects my opinion and my feelings. I now know that he is the only man that I could ever love and spend the rest of my life with.

A New Home

Jess and me Easter 2016

Life has been so crazy for me. One minute everything is falling apart and the next, everything is falling into place.

As some may know, my niece was in a horrific car accent. By the grace of God the kids when never hurt. She has it rough, but at the moment she seems for be fine. However earlier this week there is talk of brain surgery that she may need. Her head aches are not getting better and she is still in a lot of pain. Our family and friends are awesome. Everyone has stepped up and helped. Weather is was watching the kids, or donating money for her lost glasses and medical bills. I have truly been blessed to see Gods work in her protection and in the hearts that hold her dear.

Michell at the carnival 2016

My niece's daughter came into town with my mom, and we spent time at the carnival. So much fun watching the people and her having a grand time. All the lights and excitement. It was very awesome to spend time with her as well as my mother. I had to work most of the time, but even the small amount that I got with them was worth it.

For months now, I've had to drive my son to work and most of the time, drive him back home. Finally last week, we saved up enough to get him his own transportation. Picked him up a 87 Mazda B2000. It does need work, but it is so nice to not get up at the crack of dawn. Especially when I don't have to be at work or I happen to be working closing that day. The need for sleep can be very underestimated LOL.

Finally, it is coming to the wire. I could be closing on my new home maybe as early as two weeks. We have just had it inspected and are waiting to hear from the sellers as to weather they are willing to drop some cost in order to fix the windows. I was able to get into the house yesterday to get some measurements. I have many plans or decorating, and building that are flying in my head. I want to fence in the back yard so my dogs can play safely. Update the look of the home and pull it out of the 50's era. This isn't just so that I like it, but also for resale value. 
 
One of the things I enjoy doing is decorating, and remodeling. The room that I've picked as for my bedroom doesn't have a built in closet. Trust me when I say I am so looking forward to building my own. However I have found out the working on blue prints is not easy when lazy kitties want to be in your spot.


For the personal note... I had always thought that being married is the only way to happiness. Either cause I was  scared of growing old alone. Maybe it was cause I thought that if he married me, it would finally mean he really cared for me. And of course, all my friends are getting married. Truth be told, you can never force someone to care that much for you. If you happen to get an unwilling spouse, then it will never end well in the long or short run of it. I am finally realizing that I don't need someone to make me feel wanted, or loved. I'm very fortunate to have someone who cares and does love me very much. I'm so very happy that I don't put the pressure on him to prove his love to me. I don't need him to live with me, or marry me, in order for me to know he cares. He does this just by being open and honest with me at all times. If someday we do decide to live or be married, it will be cause we want to. It will be cause we choose to spend our lives together for the right reasons. My friend has told me "you never know what the future holds" as long as I never go back to where and what I was, I will look forward to all the new adventures in my life.

New in the future of big changes for me.

Driving a crossfire <woot>

Well, it's been a bit over a year since I've made the big jump to be on my own. So much has happened and so many changes in my life and how I feel about things.

When I first moved here, I was afraid that my life and my dreams where just going to disappear. That the important people that I loved would one day just walk away out of my life. I had to life with so many regrets and so many ups and downs from moving. I've had to make new friends and find new interest for my life. The only thing that I was sure of was that I knew I had to develop more as an individual.

Mommy visiting

Since in the time of a year, I've had my heart broken, lost some friends and lost a job that I enjoyed doing. I also have made new friends, got my heart mended, and found a better job that is more rewarding in funds and quality of management. During my times here, I've had one son stay with my for a few weeks, another come visit me, and one that needed a place to stay and still has not to leave yet. LOL I've had family come visit, sometimes for a day and sometimes for a few days. I've started taking up shag dancing, going to wine tastings, and trying to get back into painting again.

I've met an awesome man who never leaves me feeling lost or confused. He encourages me to be strong and independent, but he also never leaves me feeling lacking or unappreciated. He has shown me that I can count on him, but I don't need to. He's shown me that I can make myself happy and in turn I am a happier person to be with. I'm not dependent on being with him, but he is an extension of my happiness that I am so very glad to have in my life.

Now, after a year I've done some pretty hard looking at what I wanted in my life and what I didn't
want. I knew that I've always craved to make sure that I've had a permit fix on my life. For the longest time, I thought that meant that I had to be married in order to feel confident with my future. I've began to realized that wasn't the case at all. In fact it's completely the wrong reason to get married. I still need that feeling of having confidence in my future. So I'm thinking that it was time to make my own step to a permanent future.

New House <bites nails>

I've just made an offer on a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house in a quite little town. It's about the half way point between where I am now and where my awesome boyfriend is living. Which is also where my shag club meets for dancing LOL. The house is pretty dated and really needs a lot of upgrades in the looks department. I'm really hoping that this is what God has planed for me. The structure of the home is very sound and the roof looks to be in very good condition. I'm extremely exited of my new venture in my future. It's the first real step that I've taken in walking away from my past and stepping into the light of a new life. A life that is about me growing a person and as an independent.

Working out, Growing, Cooking, and Decorating.

There has been so much going on lately. Lets start with I've decided to lose a bit (shit tons) of weight. I've started cutting out the sodas, sweets, and starches. I've finally decided to join a gym. Been going about 3 times a week. So far I've lost about 5 lbs. I know the first 5 is easy, the second is harder and the rest takes for ever. Hoping that I have what it takes to stick to it. However this is the first time that I'm doing this for me. Every times before I was doing it cause I thought that it would make someone love me more. Or I thought that maybe if I was pretty enough I would be appreciated more. I now know that these things are no longer important. I'm going to look and feel awesome, cause I want to. Because I want to look in the mirror and say "looking good".

Had to go though a bit of a rough patch. Some how fell back into my old ways of paranoia. I got super worried and upset over some pictures that my boyfriend liked. At first I was afraid to talk to him about it. In the past I was lead to believe that being paranoid was something that I was aloud to feel. After sometime, I broke down (more like bald my eyes out) and told him what I was feeling. He know of my past and how rough that I had it. He reassured me that they are friends of the family, but it wont be happening again. He told me that I was just as important to him, as his kids and that he loved me so very much. His words calmed me and made me realize that I was so silly to think that this awesome man would do anything to hurt me. He is truly one of a kind and no one has ever respected or loved me more then he does right now.

Over this past weekend was our one year anniversary of dating. To be honest with my up and down emotions I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to ever trust someone again. He has shown time and time again that he loves me and that he would never hurt me. He is there when I need him, even on the first time I took an anxious pill and got super sick. He rushed over and sat with me all night. Every morning he texts me good morning beautiful. He takes the time to check on me and show me how much he cares for me. Now that the year has pasted, I can't imagine my life with out him. I learned how to make Chicken Cordon Blue (one of his favs) for out dinner. I will have to say that it came out awesome. Lots of work but it was worth it, he's worth it <3 <3 <3

Continuing on awesome boyfriend stuff. He is letting me decorate his game room. I feel so trusted and accepted into his life with this. He letting me paint the room and even add a graphic on the wall behind the new futon. I'm very excited to see how it all comes out. We are making the room light blue, with black and gray. Picked out a shelving unit that holds most of the systems plus the TV. Got a fairly comfy couch, that will fold out to a bed. Hoping to find an area rug, new curtains and top it off with gaming/music art. Not to mention, his Opus collection LOL