The "C" Word...preventing re-spawns

Well... the raid on my cancer for the most part was very successful. The tumor was removed & they only took out two lymph nodes. The first lymph node showed to have cancer but at first glance the second did not. This reassuring the doctor that the cancer had not spread to anywhere else. And in this perfect world I would just have radiation & then be done with it....

However in THIS world is turns out that after further testing of the second left sentinel lymph node  #2 positive for carcinoma.This means that the cancer could now be working in my lymph node system. Just a quick 411... The lymph nodes is what travels everything to the rest of your body. So YES this is serious. And to top it off the cancer that I have is called metaplastic carcinoma. Apparently this is a very aggressive form of cancer. They are even talking about MAYBE going back in to remove more tissue & ALL of my lymph nodes. This however is the worst case scenario.

What does this mean moving on from now... Looks like instead of "just" doing radiation, I will also have to undergo chemo. I will have to head back to the hospital to get what they call is a port. This will allow me to get blood drawn, & get my treatments will little to no pain. From what everything that I've talked with friends, family, doctors, nurses... everyone is affected differently. I have been told that chocolate chip mint ice cream is the best way to get back my taste buds after treatment.

After all the chemo treatments are done, then it's back to having radiation. Which I will be getting about 30 days of this.

On an up note... My awesome mommy is coming up to drive me to & from the hospital next week when I get my port. PLUS, that following week (which is my birthday) she is coming up to sit with me during my chemo.  Even though everything can be so overwhelming, I thank God that I have people that give support & are there when I need them. Though HIM and them, I can make it thew anything.

P.S. - Next week I will be making a big change. 💟

"C" word... Dungeon strat

Meet with the doctor to go over the plan of action to take down this boss named cancer. According to
the CT scan it seems to have only spawned in a very small area of my breast. So thankfully we are going use the lumpectomy strat.

According to Dr. Green, and his small team of five, he will put me under and proceed to remove the cancer. Then inject a blue dye that will help to see if any of the limp-nodes could have gotten infected. Kind of like what the CT scan did, but more. He will then be removing anywhere from one to four possible nodes in order to test them. Hopefully they will all come back cancer free and the battle on my tatas will be over. However... if they any one of them come back to be infected then they too will be removed.

Providing the dungeon area is cleared & everything is removed, I should then only have to do radiation treatment. This is to keep any from coming back & re-infecting me again.

My doctor is very optimistic & feels that everything should turn out great. I love the fact that he's very confident in knowing that we can go with a lumpectomy & radiation. Talking with people, I had heard so many stories of doctors just wanting to remove everything. To be honest I'm just a bit too vain to loose my breast. So to say the least, I was very happy that he was feeling good about just doing that lumpectomy. Mind you, I would be lying if I didn't say I was scarred to death, but I'm working really hard to keep my faith that in God's hands everything will be fine.

Once again I would like to thank all my friends who have reached out to. Your calls & messages have meant the world to me. Thank you to my family and sons. My youngest came up to see me & for the fist time in about 3 years I had all three of my boys under one roof. Special thanks to my Mom who drove 2.5 hours one way, just to sit with me to get the news on my surgery. Plus she will be here again this Wednesday to be with till I'm up and well again. God couldn't have given me a better Mom then the one I have <3 And of course, my handsome boyfriend Michael. Even with the crazy hours he has at work, he always found the time to support me. He's always there when I need him and he is the rock that I hold onto when I feel I'm about to fall.

Hope everyone has a blessed week and I will be back more updates. 

The "C" word... latest updates

Well... this has been what seems to be a no-stop week. However it kind of starts off with last week, and that is where I will start.

I've met my doctor that seems to be in charge of the future of my tatas. We sat down, went over the possibilities of what can happen. He explained that hopefully we will just do a lumpectomy & maybe some radiation,but of course we discussed the slim possibilities of a full mastectomy. Then we set me up with appoints & apparently I get a cancer buddy. She is someone that has already gone though this & she has gotten her masters in helping people with understand what is happening.

Now this brings us to this week. After calling my kids & letting them know what was happening, I decided to open up to social media. To say the least my kids are very supportive & my son even dropped everything just to come up to see me for a day that I was off. The out pour of friends & support from everyone was awesome. I couldn't ask for a better support team, & I love that people reaching out to me is very overwhelming (in a good way of course).

My awesome son Colby came up on Tuesday morning with his friends. I had to be at work that morning, but he came to my work to see me. It's such a blessing to know that he felt the need to come see me. I don't thing even he knows how much it really meant to me. Wednesday was my appoint for my CT Scan. I had to be at the hospital at 8:00 & I wasn't even able to have any food or (gulp) coffee before my test. Colby had gotten up & of course went with me for my test. They have you drink this nasty stuff, OMG - I can't even describe how it made me feel a bit ill. When we went into the room for the test, they put you on long table & inject iodine into your system. It gives you a warm feeling from your head all the way down. Plus you get the taste of metal in your mouth. They move you though a tube & the process is over before you even know it. Afterward the awesome nurse even made me a cup of coffee & brought it right to me.

The following day was my appointment with the rehabilitation part of everything. Apparently, the doctor will be removing 2-3 lymph nodes from under my arm. This is so that they can test them for cancer. Let's pray that doesn't happen, because that would be very bad. However with this procedure, there is a chance that I can get lymphedema later in life. Lymphedema is swelling of the arm, hand, fingers, chest, or back on the side where you had your surgery. It can be very uncomfortable. However I did get to meet my new friend Dolly. She cam in to say hi and sit and talk with me while they where getting thing together. She's a very sweet lady and brought me a care package.

 Between family, friends, the best boyfriend EVER,

 I have the strongest support group that anyone can have. 

I just want to thank everyone has reached out in support & love. 

With God and you, I know that there is nothing that can hold us down.

A New Home

Jess and me Easter 2016

Life has been so crazy for me. One minute everything is falling apart and the next, everything is falling into place.

As some may know, my niece was in a horrific car accent. By the grace of God the kids when never hurt. She has it rough, but at the moment she seems for be fine. However earlier this week there is talk of brain surgery that she may need. Her head aches are not getting better and she is still in a lot of pain. Our family and friends are awesome. Everyone has stepped up and helped. Weather is was watching the kids, or donating money for her lost glasses and medical bills. I have truly been blessed to see Gods work in her protection and in the hearts that hold her dear.

Michell at the carnival 2016

My niece's daughter came into town with my mom, and we spent time at the carnival. So much fun watching the people and her having a grand time. All the lights and excitement. It was very awesome to spend time with her as well as my mother. I had to work most of the time, but even the small amount that I got with them was worth it.

For months now, I've had to drive my son to work and most of the time, drive him back home. Finally last week, we saved up enough to get him his own transportation. Picked him up a 87 Mazda B2000. It does need work, but it is so nice to not get up at the crack of dawn. Especially when I don't have to be at work or I happen to be working closing that day. The need for sleep can be very underestimated LOL.

Finally, it is coming to the wire. I could be closing on my new home maybe as early as two weeks. We have just had it inspected and are waiting to hear from the sellers as to weather they are willing to drop some cost in order to fix the windows. I was able to get into the house yesterday to get some measurements. I have many plans or decorating, and building that are flying in my head. I want to fence in the back yard so my dogs can play safely. Update the look of the home and pull it out of the 50's era. This isn't just so that I like it, but also for resale value. 
 
One of the things I enjoy doing is decorating, and remodeling. The room that I've picked as for my bedroom doesn't have a built in closet. Trust me when I say I am so looking forward to building my own. However I have found out the working on blue prints is not easy when lazy kitties want to be in your spot.


For the personal note... I had always thought that being married is the only way to happiness. Either cause I was  scared of growing old alone. Maybe it was cause I thought that if he married me, it would finally mean he really cared for me. And of course, all my friends are getting married. Truth be told, you can never force someone to care that much for you. If you happen to get an unwilling spouse, then it will never end well in the long or short run of it. I am finally realizing that I don't need someone to make me feel wanted, or loved. I'm very fortunate to have someone who cares and does love me very much. I'm so very happy that I don't put the pressure on him to prove his love to me. I don't need him to live with me, or marry me, in order for me to know he cares. He does this just by being open and honest with me at all times. If someday we do decide to live or be married, it will be cause we want to. It will be cause we choose to spend our lives together for the right reasons. My friend has told me "you never know what the future holds" as long as I never go back to where and what I was, I will look forward to all the new adventures in my life.

Still the Same Ole Me

Pretty busy weekend happened, but there seemed to be some day-ja-voes that occurs in my life. There was a pretty big car show over the weekend. My boyfriend is part a Regatta Buck car club. So of course we where going.

We spent Friday afternoon, looking around the salvage yard. Trying to find a missing part for my son. Did find the part, but I always life a good tressure hunt anyways. I get the idea that I'm surviving a post apocalyptic time. I'm keeping an out for bad people, or zombies, while my awesome boyfriend is hunting parts that we need to survive.

After heading out and getting my son back home from his job, I'm heading back to help my boyfriend get his car ready for the show. I'm not very helpful in most things, so I asked if he wanted to have his water. I had to stop and giggle when I caught myself tapping the glass to make the ice float. Something that he doesn't care about, but it's something that I have gotten a custom to doing.

The car show was pretty awesome. I don't know much about cars, but I felt it's important to support the people who you care about. It was sooooo freezing. I stupidly left my hoodie at the house. All I had was a sweater and the club gave us tee-shirts. While walking the track, my awesome boyfriend put me in his over shirt. Now all he had on was a short sleeve button down :( After a bit, I could tell he was getting colder, so I told him I was hot and gave him back his shirt. By the end of the event, I had a wind burn, that still bothers me now LOL

Looking at cars, deciding what car to buy. Agreeing with all his picks. Of course only if he agreed to let me drive them too. After all, who am I to discourage him from his dreams. Specially after we win and lottery and are rich. We will have the car, the house and even a barn for a horse. ~.^ It's fun to think about getting what you want, even if in reality you don't.

Later that night, I was sore, burnt, and my foot that's been bothering me was hurting. He knew I was in pain, but I wouldn't give in and tell him. He knows that I don't want people to worry about me. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's cause I don't want to think that people feel sorry for me. Or, think that people only care cause I'm weak or in pain. I don't want to be needy.

Sunday, he went to have dinner with his family. I choose to stay at the house. He had asked me to make his sandwiches for work. Of course I would. Got the sandwiches made, watched some TV and then waited from him to come home. After he showered, we watched a movie and then I went home.

I find myself doing the same things over and over again. Pretending to be in my fantasy worlds, tapping the ice off the bottom of a glass of water. Fetching water, food and walking in the cold to be with and make someone happy. I'm not complaining, I'm just seeing a pattern of giving and doing what ever it takes to help someone I love. 

I just don't want make the same mistakes again.

There is a path...

So much is happening and it seems to be happening all the time. Change and growth keep surrounding me like a beautiful forest.

In the past couple weeks I was able to cook dinner for my friend. What was supposed to be a simple dinner for 6-7 turned into a dinner for 11 people. Surprisingly I was able to change up my menu and make a second dessert to make this happen. I served up taco lasagna, with brown rice and black beans. Add a salad and tortilla chips with chili cheese dip. She had wanted a lemon cake, so I made that and added chocolate cup cakes. Everything was pretty good, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.

Easter was completely amazing. I got to spend time with my family this year. It's a bit of a long drive, but so worth it. I always enjoy seeing my Mom, Dad and my nieces and there families. Not to mention everyone else. Way too many people to mention. Mom made lunch for about 16 people. (and I thought my dinner party was big). 

I'm also learning that you can't rely on people when you need them. I need to count on me and just me. Multiple times I've tried and needed a friend and they where no where to be found. Just out busy living & enjoying life. Finding out that I'm just not as high on their priority list as I thought I was. I staked way too much of my heart in a one sided friendship. It's not really there fault, it's mine for thinking that we where more then what we where. It's time that I realized who and where my truest friends are. If it turns out that there are none, then I need to be ok with that. In the end it doesn't matter, I'm the one that controls my happiness and the out come of my life. It's time that I become the one too bust living and enjoying life for a change.

Now currently, I'm working on more changes and working though the path of the forest. I would like to loose weight and get more of my self confidence back. I now that you shouldn't base your confidence on your appearance, but however, who wouldn't want to look better naked. I'm  hoping to be successful in my container garden. Would like to be a bit more organized and more independent. I love being with my boyfriend, but need to make sure that I'm not depending on him for my happiness.

On that note, I will hopefully be going to the museum today. I love looking at art and I love the quite atmosphere of being in one. As an added bonus, my love said that he will be going with me. I do have a admit, even though I'm working on this independent thing... life is much more enjoyable when he is around.