Starting A New

It's been forever since I've posted on here. A lot has happened since my last post. 2017 was a horrible year of chemo, surgeries, heart breaks, and reaching my lowest point in depression. 2018 in the beginning wasn't much better. Still dealing with chemo and the then having a double mastectomy. The constant feeling being lied and the mis trust I dealt with most of the year. There where time that I have reached a low that even the most important people in my family didn't know about. Then even in the end of the year, I'm dealing with people working on making me feel my worst. Some trying to make me second guest my choice mostly. Or others who try to so the seeds of lies to make me question my friends and relations.

However we are not at the end of 2018 and a New Year is about to begin. Currently I'm feeling the most confident that I've felt in years. The people who care have made sure to let me know that they are with me for life & others who only care to hurt me have chosen to step away.

This year I have finished my chemo and as stated before I had a double mastectomy, with reconstruction. Pretty much I now look like a barbe LOL. Finished radiation and back at work just in time for the Christmas holidays. You have no idea how great it is to work, when you are told you can't. I've learned how to refurbished my own floors in my house, and they look pretty good, if I say so myself. It has giving me the confidence to try to learn as many new things that I can. This Sunday I will be started in my new position at work on the Merchandising team. It's much earlier hours and hopefully more physical. I so excited to get on with my new venture with the team.

The holidays where awesome and I hope to have pictures to post soon. However I have eaten myself into a whopping ???.6 lbs. Way to embarrassed to actually say my weight, but that is something I am going to have to fix. However that segways me into the next part of my blog... GOALS

I know, it's a bit early for the whole New Year's Resolution, but this is what I was thinking about "this" morning... I really want to focus on me this year. I spend way to much energy worrying about what she/he thinks and if people like or don't like me. I want to look in a mirror and be happy with myself (aka weight loss & taking care of how I look). Maybe a post of weight loss with pop up one day. Lets all hope so >.<  I want to be more active and feel better about going out doing things. Tired of being winded with the smallest of tasks. I want to go hiking, swimming and in general do more things to feel alive. I want to make "my" house the best that it can be. It's been far to long that I have neglected it. It's time to make into a home that I can be proud of. I want to learn all that I can and do things for myself. Currently I'm learning to make my own mud bricks. Hopefully I will have a post on that & many more DIY things. Most of all I want to get past the feelings of worthlessness. And I need to not count on others to fix this for me.

So, I hope to have lots of new posts on DIY and learning new things. Would like to get more attention to my photography and artwork. Pictures on self-improvement and home improvement. Hope everyone had a blessed Christmas and a safe & wonderful New Year.

New in the future of big changes for me.

Driving a crossfire <woot>

Well, it's been a bit over a year since I've made the big jump to be on my own. So much has happened and so many changes in my life and how I feel about things.

When I first moved here, I was afraid that my life and my dreams where just going to disappear. That the important people that I loved would one day just walk away out of my life. I had to life with so many regrets and so many ups and downs from moving. I've had to make new friends and find new interest for my life. The only thing that I was sure of was that I knew I had to develop more as an individual.

Mommy visiting

Since in the time of a year, I've had my heart broken, lost some friends and lost a job that I enjoyed doing. I also have made new friends, got my heart mended, and found a better job that is more rewarding in funds and quality of management. During my times here, I've had one son stay with my for a few weeks, another come visit me, and one that needed a place to stay and still has not to leave yet. LOL I've had family come visit, sometimes for a day and sometimes for a few days. I've started taking up shag dancing, going to wine tastings, and trying to get back into painting again.

I've met an awesome man who never leaves me feeling lost or confused. He encourages me to be strong and independent, but he also never leaves me feeling lacking or unappreciated. He has shown me that I can count on him, but I don't need to. He's shown me that I can make myself happy and in turn I am a happier person to be with. I'm not dependent on being with him, but he is an extension of my happiness that I am so very glad to have in my life.

Now, after a year I've done some pretty hard looking at what I wanted in my life and what I didn't
want. I knew that I've always craved to make sure that I've had a permit fix on my life. For the longest time, I thought that meant that I had to be married in order to feel confident with my future. I've began to realized that wasn't the case at all. In fact it's completely the wrong reason to get married. I still need that feeling of having confidence in my future. So I'm thinking that it was time to make my own step to a permanent future.

New House <bites nails>

I've just made an offer on a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house in a quite little town. It's about the half way point between where I am now and where my awesome boyfriend is living. Which is also where my shag club meets for dancing LOL. The house is pretty dated and really needs a lot of upgrades in the looks department. I'm really hoping that this is what God has planed for me. The structure of the home is very sound and the roof looks to be in very good condition. I'm extremely exited of my new venture in my future. It's the first real step that I've taken in walking away from my past and stepping into the light of a new life. A life that is about me growing a person and as an independent.