Starting A New

It's been forever since I've posted on here. A lot has happened since my last post. 2017 was a horrible year of chemo, surgeries, heart breaks, and reaching my lowest point in depression. 2018 in the beginning wasn't much better. Still dealing with chemo and the then having a double mastectomy. The constant feeling being lied and the mis trust I dealt with most of the year. There where time that I have reached a low that even the most important people in my family didn't know about. Then even in the end of the year, I'm dealing with people working on making me feel my worst. Some trying to make me second guest my choice mostly. Or others who try to so the seeds of lies to make me question my friends and relations.

However we are not at the end of 2018 and a New Year is about to begin. Currently I'm feeling the most confident that I've felt in years. The people who care have made sure to let me know that they are with me for life & others who only care to hurt me have chosen to step away.

This year I have finished my chemo and as stated before I had a double mastectomy, with reconstruction. Pretty much I now look like a barbe LOL. Finished radiation and back at work just in time for the Christmas holidays. You have no idea how great it is to work, when you are told you can't. I've learned how to refurbished my own floors in my house, and they look pretty good, if I say so myself. It has giving me the confidence to try to learn as many new things that I can. This Sunday I will be started in my new position at work on the Merchandising team. It's much earlier hours and hopefully more physical. I so excited to get on with my new venture with the team.

The holidays where awesome and I hope to have pictures to post soon. However I have eaten myself into a whopping ???.6 lbs. Way to embarrassed to actually say my weight, but that is something I am going to have to fix. However that segways me into the next part of my blog... GOALS

I know, it's a bit early for the whole New Year's Resolution, but this is what I was thinking about "this" morning... I really want to focus on me this year. I spend way to much energy worrying about what she/he thinks and if people like or don't like me. I want to look in a mirror and be happy with myself (aka weight loss & taking care of how I look). Maybe a post of weight loss with pop up one day. Lets all hope so >.<  I want to be more active and feel better about going out doing things. Tired of being winded with the smallest of tasks. I want to go hiking, swimming and in general do more things to feel alive. I want to make "my" house the best that it can be. It's been far to long that I have neglected it. It's time to make into a home that I can be proud of. I want to learn all that I can and do things for myself. Currently I'm learning to make my own mud bricks. Hopefully I will have a post on that & many more DIY things. Most of all I want to get past the feelings of worthlessness. And I need to not count on others to fix this for me.

So, I hope to have lots of new posts on DIY and learning new things. Would like to get more attention to my photography and artwork. Pictures on self-improvement and home improvement. Hope everyone had a blessed Christmas and a safe & wonderful New Year.

The "C" Word...preventing re-spawns

Well... the raid on my cancer for the most part was very successful. The tumor was removed & they only took out two lymph nodes. The first lymph node showed to have cancer but at first glance the second did not. This reassuring the doctor that the cancer had not spread to anywhere else. And in this perfect world I would just have radiation & then be done with it....

However in THIS world is turns out that after further testing of the second left sentinel lymph node  #2 positive for carcinoma.This means that the cancer could now be working in my lymph node system. Just a quick 411... The lymph nodes is what travels everything to the rest of your body. So YES this is serious. And to top it off the cancer that I have is called metaplastic carcinoma. Apparently this is a very aggressive form of cancer. They are even talking about MAYBE going back in to remove more tissue & ALL of my lymph nodes. This however is the worst case scenario.

What does this mean moving on from now... Looks like instead of "just" doing radiation, I will also have to undergo chemo. I will have to head back to the hospital to get what they call is a port. This will allow me to get blood drawn, & get my treatments will little to no pain. From what everything that I've talked with friends, family, doctors, nurses... everyone is affected differently. I have been told that chocolate chip mint ice cream is the best way to get back my taste buds after treatment.

After all the chemo treatments are done, then it's back to having radiation. Which I will be getting about 30 days of this.

On an up note... My awesome mommy is coming up to drive me to & from the hospital next week when I get my port. PLUS, that following week (which is my birthday) she is coming up to sit with me during my chemo.  Even though everything can be so overwhelming, I thank God that I have people that give support & are there when I need them. Though HIM and them, I can make it thew anything.

P.S. - Next week I will be making a big change. 💟

"C" word... Dungeon strat

Meet with the doctor to go over the plan of action to take down this boss named cancer. According to
the CT scan it seems to have only spawned in a very small area of my breast. So thankfully we are going use the lumpectomy strat.

According to Dr. Green, and his small team of five, he will put me under and proceed to remove the cancer. Then inject a blue dye that will help to see if any of the limp-nodes could have gotten infected. Kind of like what the CT scan did, but more. He will then be removing anywhere from one to four possible nodes in order to test them. Hopefully they will all come back cancer free and the battle on my tatas will be over. However... if they any one of them come back to be infected then they too will be removed.

Providing the dungeon area is cleared & everything is removed, I should then only have to do radiation treatment. This is to keep any from coming back & re-infecting me again.

My doctor is very optimistic & feels that everything should turn out great. I love the fact that he's very confident in knowing that we can go with a lumpectomy & radiation. Talking with people, I had heard so many stories of doctors just wanting to remove everything. To be honest I'm just a bit too vain to loose my breast. So to say the least, I was very happy that he was feeling good about just doing that lumpectomy. Mind you, I would be lying if I didn't say I was scarred to death, but I'm working really hard to keep my faith that in God's hands everything will be fine.

Once again I would like to thank all my friends who have reached out to. Your calls & messages have meant the world to me. Thank you to my family and sons. My youngest came up to see me & for the fist time in about 3 years I had all three of my boys under one roof. Special thanks to my Mom who drove 2.5 hours one way, just to sit with me to get the news on my surgery. Plus she will be here again this Wednesday to be with till I'm up and well again. God couldn't have given me a better Mom then the one I have <3 And of course, my handsome boyfriend Michael. Even with the crazy hours he has at work, he always found the time to support me. He's always there when I need him and he is the rock that I hold onto when I feel I'm about to fall.

Hope everyone has a blessed week and I will be back more updates. 

You Teach Me - I'll Teach You...

It's been an interesting past few weeks. Been working on my new home. Today will be finishing up the primmer in my son's room. Hopefully going to start the ceiling and walls tomorrow. I've started the patch work in the guest room. Found out that I have to replace some of the dry wall due to water damage. I'm pretty sure it's from and old leak and from the window. Good thing the windows will be replaced hopefully soon.

My stress levels have also been an all time high. Between politics, starting a new game (Pokemon GO) and trying to keep up a friendship that seems to be one sided. I've been more then my fair share of feeling stressed.

Twice in the past week I've been blocked, which as far as I know is very strange for me. The first was a long time friend of the family. He apparently didn't like facts being presented to dispute his stand on politics. I was a bit shocked, but realized that if someone can handle the truth, then maybe they need to stay away from people who will always be truthful.

My second block was by my ex's girlfriend. Over the past year he and I have been trying very hard to work on getting back to our original friendship. Before the mistake of dating, yes dating a friend will almost always be a mistake, we where best of friends. He and I have done everything to try to make this transition easy for the new people in our lives. I've explained very early to my boyfriend that my friendship with my ex was important. To loose what we had before would be a crying shame. I'm very lucky to have an understanding love. Hasn't been so easy on the other side.

I'm not sure she understands that in no way I'm a threat and would just like to have my old friend back the way it was. She is younger, prettier, probably smarter, and seems to be a way better gamer. She makes him happier then he ever was with me. She has a great family and has given more then I ever could. I just wish that she didn't hate me, just because I happen to be an ex in his life. I would understand if I was a horrible person, but I'm not. If I have offended her, then I apologize, but it would be best to talk rather then just choose to not like someone, or shut the door on them without even giving a person a chance.

As for my new game, Pokemon GO, it's is awesome. I don't recommend it for young ones, unless as parents you are willing to supervise. It's given my son and I a chance to walk and talk and bond as we hang out catching pokemon LOL. As most of you know, lots of stupid people out getting themselves killed over it. It's a game, don't play and drive, don't walk into traffic and please for the love of God keep and eye open for you surroundings. Outside of the warning, it's a great way to meet fellow trainers, get some walking done, and pull yourselves out of the house. I can't wait till the update, when we can start trading, and battling one on one. Looking forward to meeting new people and have more fun with my son.

The round up - Life is way to busy, entertaining and too short to not get along with people. As part of the human race, it's important that we support each other and stand up for one another. No matter who wins the election, who dislikes you, or what you chose to occupy your time. Do it to best that you can be and do it with honor.