New in the future of big changes for me.

Driving a crossfire <woot>

Well, it's been a bit over a year since I've made the big jump to be on my own. So much has happened and so many changes in my life and how I feel about things.

When I first moved here, I was afraid that my life and my dreams where just going to disappear. That the important people that I loved would one day just walk away out of my life. I had to life with so many regrets and so many ups and downs from moving. I've had to make new friends and find new interest for my life. The only thing that I was sure of was that I knew I had to develop more as an individual.

Mommy visiting

Since in the time of a year, I've had my heart broken, lost some friends and lost a job that I enjoyed doing. I also have made new friends, got my heart mended, and found a better job that is more rewarding in funds and quality of management. During my times here, I've had one son stay with my for a few weeks, another come visit me, and one that needed a place to stay and still has not to leave yet. LOL I've had family come visit, sometimes for a day and sometimes for a few days. I've started taking up shag dancing, going to wine tastings, and trying to get back into painting again.

I've met an awesome man who never leaves me feeling lost or confused. He encourages me to be strong and independent, but he also never leaves me feeling lacking or unappreciated. He has shown me that I can count on him, but I don't need to. He's shown me that I can make myself happy and in turn I am a happier person to be with. I'm not dependent on being with him, but he is an extension of my happiness that I am so very glad to have in my life.

Now, after a year I've done some pretty hard looking at what I wanted in my life and what I didn't
want. I knew that I've always craved to make sure that I've had a permit fix on my life. For the longest time, I thought that meant that I had to be married in order to feel confident with my future. I've began to realized that wasn't the case at all. In fact it's completely the wrong reason to get married. I still need that feeling of having confidence in my future. So I'm thinking that it was time to make my own step to a permanent future.

New House <bites nails>

I've just made an offer on a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house in a quite little town. It's about the half way point between where I am now and where my awesome boyfriend is living. Which is also where my shag club meets for dancing LOL. The house is pretty dated and really needs a lot of upgrades in the looks department. I'm really hoping that this is what God has planed for me. The structure of the home is very sound and the roof looks to be in very good condition. I'm extremely exited of my new venture in my future. It's the first real step that I've taken in walking away from my past and stepping into the light of a new life. A life that is about me growing a person and as an independent.

Working out, Growing, Cooking, and Decorating.

There has been so much going on lately. Lets start with I've decided to lose a bit (shit tons) of weight. I've started cutting out the sodas, sweets, and starches. I've finally decided to join a gym. Been going about 3 times a week. So far I've lost about 5 lbs. I know the first 5 is easy, the second is harder and the rest takes for ever. Hoping that I have what it takes to stick to it. However this is the first time that I'm doing this for me. Every times before I was doing it cause I thought that it would make someone love me more. Or I thought that maybe if I was pretty enough I would be appreciated more. I now know that these things are no longer important. I'm going to look and feel awesome, cause I want to. Because I want to look in the mirror and say "looking good".

Had to go though a bit of a rough patch. Some how fell back into my old ways of paranoia. I got super worried and upset over some pictures that my boyfriend liked. At first I was afraid to talk to him about it. In the past I was lead to believe that being paranoid was something that I was aloud to feel. After sometime, I broke down (more like bald my eyes out) and told him what I was feeling. He know of my past and how rough that I had it. He reassured me that they are friends of the family, but it wont be happening again. He told me that I was just as important to him, as his kids and that he loved me so very much. His words calmed me and made me realize that I was so silly to think that this awesome man would do anything to hurt me. He is truly one of a kind and no one has ever respected or loved me more then he does right now.

Over this past weekend was our one year anniversary of dating. To be honest with my up and down emotions I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to ever trust someone again. He has shown time and time again that he loves me and that he would never hurt me. He is there when I need him, even on the first time I took an anxious pill and got super sick. He rushed over and sat with me all night. Every morning he texts me good morning beautiful. He takes the time to check on me and show me how much he cares for me. Now that the year has pasted, I can't imagine my life with out him. I learned how to make Chicken Cordon Blue (one of his favs) for out dinner. I will have to say that it came out awesome. Lots of work but it was worth it, he's worth it <3 <3 <3

Continuing on awesome boyfriend stuff. He is letting me decorate his game room. I feel so trusted and accepted into his life with this. He letting me paint the room and even add a graphic on the wall behind the new futon. I'm very excited to see how it all comes out. We are making the room light blue, with black and gray. Picked out a shelving unit that holds most of the systems plus the TV. Got a fairly comfy couch, that will fold out to a bed. Hoping to find an area rug, new curtains and top it off with gaming/music art. Not to mention, his Opus collection LOL